what do I do to remain young and beautiful?

Absolutely nothing, unless you count staying up way past my bedtime, drinking 12 cups of coffee a day, and sneaking in chocolate when no-one is looking a great beauty regime.

It probably would have helped my case a ton had I started out looking like Cindy Crawford..or Kate winslet. 

But alas..I am just me. butch hair cut, hairy eyebrows and upperlip hair. not to mention the bags under my eyes and the hair on legs!

So when the nice East indian woman threading my eyebrows 10 weeks ago ( so much better then waxing), asked me if she could wax my nose to rid me of blackheads..I was on it like white on rice. She then suggeted that I start using some face mask twice a week for ten minutes to keep them at bay. I looked at her beautiful complexion..considered the pictures of little kids on the wall and figured..hey if she can do it so can I.

Man I was wrong. in the past ten weeks I have pulled the little tiny tin of clear mask out three times. I just do not have the time to dedicate an extra twenty minutes a week to anything. I so wish I had it. I need it..I want it. but when my kids pull these short of shannigans

 I realize..it just isnt in the cards...YET

So today I decided..that's it.. I am going to do it while I shower..so I locked the buggers on that floor with me. closed all the important doors and pray that they play nicely in my daughters room with the toys there. It worked.

So I get in the shower and decide I will apply the mask while I am doing a luxurious deep conditioning with my cheap sun-silk conditioner. The kids are laughing gleefully from the other room. All is well. I wash my hair and then apply conditioner..but forget I was going to do a deep one and rinse before the mask is applied. SHIT. ok..so I will waste use extra water and do the mask.. eliminate blackheads..that is surely what is destroying my good looks. HA.

I put the mask on and realize..ten minutes..I need to wait ten minutes to rinse. but how do I time it? my husband will kill me if I even dare to touch my phone while dripping wet..my new pretty Iphone 4s. Ok.. isn't the happy birthday song supped to be 30 seconds? ok..so i will sing it 20 times..that will be roughly ten minutes..and blackheads will be gone.

happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear....uh..me..happy birthday to you.

Ok..so that didnt feel like 30 seconds..but on..I will try again..and again..and again.

So I think I got through 6 or 7 verses of happy birthday before I hear  NOOOOOOO MINE..followed by the squeels of a ten month old .

Fuck.

I rinse my face. Jump out of the shower..try not to kill myself as I run across the slippery bathroom floor, grab a towel on my way out.

And I find this sweet face looking at me

they solved their issue without me. figures

Oh well..I might have killed about 50 percent of the ugly blackheads..50 percent is better then the 0 percent before the shower..maybe I will get a chance in the next ten weeks :)

*all iphone pictures..not bringing the camera anywhere near the shower